Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
