I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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