Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Can Purell be used as lube?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
