i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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