We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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