I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
