why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
