Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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