THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
