I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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