dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
