guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
