while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
