capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
