Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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