i think i have two assholes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
