I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
