An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
