i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
