Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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