You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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