She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
