My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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