So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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