guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
