She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
