you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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