I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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