The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
