chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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