So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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