my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's great music for shaving your balls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
