it wasn't lemon gatorade
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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