Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
