ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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