I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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