She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's always time for handjobs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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