Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
