I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
