dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
