Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
