Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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