I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
