I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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