Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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