so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
