I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
