I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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