its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
