My sheets look like a crime scene.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just had sex on a roof
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
