The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
